What inspired Dr. Ruth to take on the role of Ambassador for Loneliness in NY State?
When Dr. Ruth Westheimer heard that the Surgeon General had declared that there is an epidemic of loneliness in this country, she knew that her background meant she could contribute towards alleviating this scourge. She had experienced much loneliness in her life, first as having been orphaned by the Holocaust at age ten. That she never grew past 4' 7”, that she was different from everybody else, also made her feel lonely. And when she was 20 she was seriously wounded in a bomb blast in then Palestine and almost dying was also a journey that made her feel lost and abandoned. So between what she had gone through and her training as a sex therapist, a field that also has to deal with loneliness, she lobbied to become New York State's Ambassador to Loneliness, the first such position in the country. And a natural outgrowth of that was the book The Joy of Connections.
Why is this issue so prevalent in today's society?
There are so many reasons that more and more people are feeling lonely. People used to live in extended families, so that there were always people around while today we tend to live in silos, often very far away from family members. Young people were expected to get married and society as a whole was structured so that would happen. Today marriage is something that is put off, and by a significant portion of the population, forever. COVID led more and more people to work from home, and being away from co-workers can certainly lead to loneliness. And technology has meant that many of our interactions with others are done electronically, and that's not a good solution to curing loneliness.
What are two or three top strategies or interventions that you recommend in your book?
The first piece of advice that is in The Joy of Connections is to look in the mirror and say “I am lonely.” Admitting you have a problem like loneliness is always the first and most important step to solving your problem. There are 99 other pieces of advice in the book and each reader will find some more useful than others. It's the totality of the advice in the book that gives it its strength. It's like using Google Maps or Waze, it's a step by step, turn by turn process to reach your destination; being less lonely.
How might loneliness affect physical health?
According to experts in the medical field, loneliness is as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It raises our blood pressure, negatively alters our cognitive functions, can lead to Type 2 diabetes and shortens life spans.
How can communities (such as care facilities) mitigate this loneliness epidemic?
Just as an individual must first admit that he or she is lonely, a care facility must do the same, admit that just because people are living under the same roof doesn't mean that they are not lonely. Often the limitations imposed by illness will make it hard to get around and that will lead to loneliness so a facility must ensure that everyone takes part in planned activities. If staff see that someone is always off in a corner by themselves, then this is a situation that must be addressed.
Can you share success stories from your book?
The Joy of Connections hasn't been out for that long so while there has been an outpouring of praise for Dr. Ruth's final book, those who follow the 100 pieces of advice the book offers will need a little more time to discover how they can meet their goal of becoming less lonely.
Are any specific demographic groups particularly vulnerable?
Studies have shown that the level of education is a big dividing line. Something like 40% of those with only a high school diploma say they haven't a single close friend while that number drops significantly in those with a college education. But today young people are suffering from loneliness more and more as are seniors, both groups for different reasons. But going back to the answer of the first question, what matters most is acknowledging the problem and then doing something about it. Saying that one is lonely because of one's age and then giving up is certainly not going to lead to a solution. The Joy of Connections includes many stories from Dr. Ruth's life. She had as many obstacles to fighting loneliness as anyone but she was able to overcome her loneliness and her life story should give others the courage to do the same.
How can we use technology to alleviate loneliness?
To use technology to cure loneliness it must be used intentionally to meet that goal. As The Joy of Connections points out, if someone is endlessly scrolling through Facebook and Tik Tok, that's only going to increase that person's loneliness. But if you're looking for solutions, technology can make it far easier to find them. For example, a web site like MeetUp.com can lead you to find people with a shared interest with whom you can spend time and so feel less lonely.
Editor’s note: Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer, who was a co-author with Lehu and Allison Gilbert, passed away in July 2024. May her memory be a blessing.
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